hold me

this ache in my chest
it feels otherworldly 
my lungs jolt; suppress
my insides are burning
 
the earth's trapped inside my head
no room to keep turning
till crumbles down again
it osmoses through layers of yearning.
 
distance, hold me
distance, hold me
distance, hold me
distance, hold me
 
amid hissing flames
skin's torn off in layers
i know that i can change
it's easy; like paper
 
you can't suppress your cries
that unbearable nothing
it's not a way of life
but take it over genuine loving
 
because when i clawed at and tore them open
something was exposed that's capable of massive destruction.
and it felt like the closest thing to me had been stolen;
and my insides heaved, there was no hope to function.
 
i realized what i was keeping in there was kept closed for a reason,
and to try to wear down those layers of protection
was like shooting anything dear with bullets made of feeling.
but the recoil, god the recoil but remember its subjective. 
 
how it hit me will be different from you, will be different from anyone anywhere.
but the fucking recoil broke apart every single atom in my body;
they were all crumbling to the ground because of something seemingly nuclear.
and it wouldn't stop,
it wouldn't stop;
because i knew for sure that they saw me.
 
distance, hold me
distance, hold me
distance, hold me
distance, hold me
distance, hold me
distance, hold me