it almost hurts when you look back at all the people
you knew so well, held so dear, and loved so much and
realize they hardly linger at the base of your memory.
where does the emotion go? where does how strongly,
passionately and how overwhelming the sensations
were go to? the deeper its rooted within you the larger
the gaping space becomes that lies between the strings of
shredded flesh that can feel as essential as your identity
as a whole. it hurts, it hurt so fucking bad but doesnt it
seem a bit unnatural for something so prominent and
intense to just dissipate? is it even possible to mend
the torn flesh and gaping empty?
maybe its a matter of forgetting. the brain adjusts to the
wound and pain and carries on as normal. but simply
ignoring it and denying its there will put the individual
in subject to harsh reminders of the gash. but even so,
if you drown yourself in its pain, you adjust eventually.
perhaps its all just words of values and worth.
if the person made you feel purpose, you simply
find an alternative.
i find that quite sad.
love feels real. passion feels real. hurt feels
so incredibly real.
but its all about yourself. people and relations are
simply items that highten an individuals esteem; to
love someone is to love yourself.
those who depend unhealthily on others are
unable to love themselves on their own and require
and desperately strive to recieve this euphoric
feeling of value.
these types of people will cling to others and destroy
themselves over the absece and disappearance of
those they hold dear. not because they care for them,
but because they care for the feeling of value they
recieved from them. they care that they gave them the
ability to love themselves that they cannot or refuse
to obtain on thier own.
“love” is simply depending on or recieving an aspect
of value from another person that reflects a sense of
self benefit, typically to a more extreme extent. we
allow them to give this sense of value to us because
of something that attracts us to them. if someone
is attracted to anothers appearance, they may be
seeking self benefit through feeling they are “worthy”
and attractive enough for this person. if someone is
attracted to someone for being smart and caring, they
perhaps want to feel more esteem in being cared for,
or deemed advanced enough mentally to understand
and keep up with this person.
despite whether its self worth, confidence in appear‐
ance, intelligence, or lust, no one would fall in love with
someone they didnt see potential of self benefit from.
which is why people we state we “love” are completely
disposable in reality.
the mind seeks out refufillment of the esteem when
a source of it disappears, but it is suffering over what
someone gave you. not them as person. in the worst
case one must cling to yet another person to reobtain
this euphoric feeling of value. yes, no person will
give us the same imput of benefit to our values, but
values can be boiled down to a combination of simple
characters of the english language.
they are no more than an impact on the way we think
about and value ourselves.
transparent words that the mind conjures, rooted
in the way it developed.
how sad.
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