absolve

it seems like my physical body is constantly weighed down and pushed around 
by imaginary but overwhelmingly tangible sensations
objectively it's nothing more than an overreaction to words or sounds
but that single fact lingers in the air beating down on my body trapped in probation 

a spider crawls out of my back and attacks my calves
and my body feels like a ghost hovering above my head
it whirrs around and around 'till yesterday wasn't had
and my complexion contorts and crushes over itself
like a soda can those kids crush with their hands. 

it's not normal but i don't even have an idea how normal defines
there's these concrete walls enforced from years of the desolate labor of clawing to be left behind
because if any inch of faith is placed within this delusional disaster of mine 
it's simply pain pain pain until patience is out of time.

you say you treat me like a human being and nothing new
but my memory states they choose gain over another and project constant abuse
connection is for self benefit and then toy with the truth
but for some reason it doesn't correlate with you.

the concrete attempts and attempts to wrangle your neck
but you weren't even within range of it's suffocating grasp
and you somehow sauntered on straight on past
and it wanted to turn back and collapse on what it was trying to protect. 

but you weren't the threat you were perceived as. 
delicate lines and claws spiraled round and sunk into my skin
but you weren't disgusted or scared and still called me friend
and when i reached out to touch you you'd just smile as wide as you can. 

my hand didn't go straight through you. 

that broke me apart for some reason.

i held onto you, my complexion falling to the ground in shards
but i was scared that if i let you touch the pieces falling to the ground you'd also shatter
but then i noticed
you were already broken in my arms.

the sight was so hauntingly endearing 
every claw, cry, heave and gasp seemed far from near me. 

i almost instinctively pieced together my body from beneath
and all that mattered dissipated except what was in front of me. 

you.

any aid i can provide to you feeling complete
hits like a wave within that trumps trace of misery.